BOXMANIA

Somebody, somewhere, said that all a man really needs is a dependable pair of shoes. Maybe so, but the life of a boxing fan is a bit more complex. Sorry, Nike, but it’s not the shoes. Our survival kit must include at least one large, cable-ready television, a sturdy VCR, and a remote control that can be hidden from the Mrs.

On this side of the drink, fight nuts absorb action on ESPN2, NBC, Showtime, HBO, Fox Sports Net, regional cable networks like MSG, Spanish-language shows like “Solo Boxeo,” and occasional overpriced offerings on pay-per-view.

Doesn’t leave much time for sexy soaps, reality TV, or Clint Eastwood westerns.

At the risk of mixing vegetables and fruits, here’s an informal year in review from a Big Apple couch potato.

The Future Of Boxing I: 9 January — Jermain Taylor KO1 Alex Rios (ESPN2) Arguably the brightest member of the underachieving 2000 U.S. Olympic team, middleweight Taylor advances to 19-0 (14 KOs) by stopping Rios with a left-right 54 seconds in. Question for this year and next: What happens if Taylor matures into title-contention and division king Bernard Hopkins continues to refuse to act his age?

Totally Meaningless Aside: The first five televised bouts of the year, Kassim Ouma-J.C. Candelo and Acelino Freitas-Artur Grigorian on Showtime, and Taylor-Rios, Nate Campbell-Daniel Attah, and Sechew Powell-James Johnson on ESPN2, pit righties against lefties. And to think, in the old days, trainers immediately turned southpaws around.

Bad Year For Judges I: 16 January — Matt Vanda W10 Sam Garr (ESPN2) Minnesota junior middleweight Vanda, 29-0 going in, is countered silly by hot-and-cold veteran Garr. ESPN2 analyst Teddy Atlas scores 100-92 for Garr, but the home state judges vote for Vanda by split decision. Illustrated Man Vanda has been known to add a tattoo after every boxing victory. For this one, he should request a drawing of a boxing judge being led by a seeing-eye dog.

Postscript: Two fights later, Vanda is exposed on “ShoBox,” losing to Armando Velardez. The local judges can’t screw up this one: Vanda is stopped in round eight.

Fight Of The Year Candidate I: 23 January — Scott Pemberton KO10 Omar Sheika (ESPN2) For pure action, Pemberton-Sheika I, televised on ESPN2 in July ’03, was as dramatic as any fight that year. Is the rematch even better? Both fighters are driven to the floor. Pemberton rallies in the 10th, with Sheika miraculously finishing on his feet.

A bigger version of Gatti-Ward.

Postscript: Pemberton twice defeats Sheika, so who gets the 4 December shot at newly crowned super middle titlist Jeff Lacy? Sheika, of course.

Is Hercules A 98-Pound Weakling?: 31 January — Antonio Margarito KO2 Hercules Kyvelos (HBO) Recipe for a short fight: WBO welter champ Margarito’s swarming style, Kyvelos’s chin of putty, and a 16-foot ring. After Margarito’s hand is raised, HBO analyst Larry Merchant declares: “This was junk.”

The Future Of Boxing II: 20 February — Tokunbo Olajide KO2 Larry Marks (ESPN2) Flaunting his bone-jarring power, New York City junior middleweight Olajide, 20-1 (17 KOs), issues Marks his first stoppage loss in seven defeats. The ending is bizarre: Felled by a left hook, Marks quickly rises, then takes a knee at referee Tony Orlando’s count of eight and remains down.

The Future Of Boxing III: 26 February — Daniel Ponce DeLeon KO6 Cesar Figueroa (HBO Latino) Underneath WBO junior featherweight champion Joan Guzman’s stoppage of Agapito Sanchez, Mexico’s undefeated DeLeon scores his 17th KO in 17 wins. Whether the unbeaten 122-pound southpaw has enough class to win a world title remains to be seen. In the meantime, he’s a helluva lot of fun to watch.

The Future Of Boxing IV: 28 February — Miguel Cotto KO4 Victoriano Sosa (HBO) So what if he’s only 23? The left hook of Puerto Rico’s Cotto is already the prettiest — and perhaps the best — punch in all of boxing. Unlike most other prospects, the question regarding this junior welter is not if he will win a world title, but when.

Hollywood Wouldn’t Have Dared: 6 March — Diego Corrales W12 Joel Casamayor (Showtime) Okay, so the verdict, which gives junior lightweight Corrales both revenge for a brutal stoppage loss in October ’03, and the vacant WBO junior lightweight title, is debatable. But why ruin a good storyline? In the first fight, Joe Goossen trained Casamayor. In the rematch, he is found in the opposite corner.

The Goose is cooking.

Why We Hate The Heavyweights I: 13 March — Joe Mesi W10 Vassiliy Jirov (HBO) Ahead on points, the heavily hyped and wonderfully refreshing Mesi, 29-0 (25 KOs), is downed three times in the last two rounds. Several months later, it is revealed that as a result of this bout, he suffered bleeding in the brain. He hasn’t fought since — and isn’t likely to fight again.

Did-You-See-That-Knockout I: 26 March — Kendall Holt KO1 Gilberto Reyes (ESPN2) In a scheduled six-rounder, 22-year-old welter Holt, 15-0 (11 KOs), launches a counter left hook that instantly stiffens Reyes. Twenty replays aren’t enough. Postscript: Three months later, on the same network, a reckless Holt, emboldened by his prior success, is dropped twice and stopped in the first round by Thomas Davis.

Why We Hate The Heavyweights II: 27 March — Monte Barrett W10 Dominick Guinn (HBO) Labeled the future of the division, the undefeated Guinn is upset by Barrett, who in his previous appearances on HBO had gone 0-for-3.

The Boys Are Alright: 1 April — Stevie Murray W10 Martin Watson (Showtime) Underneath Michael Jennings-Brett James at York Hall, Murray, a favourite of the “ShoBox” crew, makes war with relative novice Watson. This corker would have fit well at the Blue Horizon in Philadelphia.

Broken Records: 2 April — Emanuel Augustus W12 Alex Trujillo; David Lopez KO9 Jerson Ravelo (ESPN2) Every season brings a couple of fights like these. This year, they happen to be featured on the same card. Battle-hardened junior welter Augustus (formerly Emanuel Burton), 27-23-6, outpoints Puerto Rican prospect Trujillo, 23-1, and Mexican southpaw Lopez, 21-12 (including nine losses by stoppage), halts middleweight prospect Ravelo, 13-0.

In ’03, the TV-fight equivalent should have been 21-16-2 Jimmy Vincent over 12-0 David Barnes (Showtime), but referee and sole judge John Keane got it wrong.

Why We Hate Heavyweights III: 10 April — Lamon Brewster KO5 Wladimir Klitschko (HBO) Okay, maybe Mesi and Guinn were supposed to be the future of the division, but his loss to golfer Corrie Sanders aside, Dr Wlad is the present. Until he collapses from exhaustion and a single left hook, that is.

The Future Of Boxing V: 17 April — Juan Diaz KO2 Martin O’Malley (NBC) Is the “Baby Bull” too good to be true? He’s bright and polite, a college student, and an undefeated (23-0) lightweight who, judging by this blowout of the sturdy O’Malley, can really fight.

Postscript: In July, Diaz, who turned pro at age 16, outpoints Lakva Sim to capture the WBA lightweight title, and in November, he successfully defends against Julien Lorcy.

Why We Hate Heavyweights IV: 17 April — John Ruiz KO11 Fres Oquendo (PPV) Ruiz retains the WBA title. The fighters engage in 107 clinches. (Yes, I actually counted.) If there’s ever been a worse heavyweight title fight, I’m glad I missed it.

The Future Of Boxing VI: 1 May — Kermit Cintron KO6 Elio Ortiz (NBC) How the 24-year-old Cintron, 23-0 (21 KOs), continues to make welterweight is a question for greater minds. The tall, stoic puncher reminds me of Thomas Hearns — with a bigger upper body.

Postscript: In July, Cintron wins the interim WBO title by crushing dangerous Teddy Reid in seven rounds.

Can You Score A Round 10-2?: 1 May — Manny Pacquiao D12 Juan Manuel Marquez (HBO) Supremacy at featherweight? No answers here. Pac-Man scores three knockdowns in round one and is fortunate to secure a draw.

Message to Scott Harrison: There are easier ways to make a million pounds.

Did-You-See-That-Knockout II: 15 May — Antonio Tarver KO2 Roy Jones (PPV) Never mind that Jones is KO’d by one punch. The fact that he is hit by one punch qualifies as big news.

The Future Of Boxing VII: 3 June — Robert Guerrero KO8 Enrique Sanchez (Showtime) Nicknamed “The Ghost,” the defensively proficient Guerrero has added muscle to his game. Maybe the best young featherweight in the game.

Bad Year For Judges II: 6 July — Courtney Burton W10 Emanuel Augustus (ESPN2) And not such a good year for referees either. Third man Dan Kelly penalises Augustus for a phantom foul, and two inexperienced Michigan judges compound the problem by scoring for Burton. Augustus’s clowning is excessive, but that doesn’t alter the fact that Burton is outfought throughout.

Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee: 30 July — Danny Williams KO4 Mike Tyson (Showtime) Sad: Some fans still cling to the idea that “Irony Mike,” 15 years past his prime, will be the division’s saviour. Sadder, still: Overaged Tyson and underachieving Williams produce the best heavyweight fight of the year.

Hey, Eddie, Whaddya Wanna Do Tonight?: 13 August — Eddie Sanchez W12 J.C. Candelo (ESPN2) When Canada’s Joachim Alcine falls out, promoters pull spectator Sanchez from the weigh-in. He loses eight pounds in 17 hours, then outfights Top 10 junior middleweight Candelo and wins a clear-cut unanimous decision. This used to happen only in the movies.

Bad Year For The Judges III: 19 August — Ben Dunne W10 Adrian Valdez (Showtime) Mexican southpaw Valdez pummels unbeaten featherweight prospect Dunne with left hands, but the judges score unanimously for Dunne. Can’t blame it on hometown cooking: The fight is in Minnesota, Dunne is from Ireland.

Fight Of The Year Candidate II: 27 August — Daniel Edouard KO4 Willie Gibbs (ESPN2) Middleweight Edouard is hurt in the first; Gibbs is down in the second; Gibbs rallies in the third; Edouard scores a KO in the fourth. Who needs heavyweights?

Legends Die Hard I: 18 September — Bernard Hopkins KO9 Oscar De La Hoya (PPV) Virtually no excitement, then one body shot and it’s over. In a sense, it’s a good thing; Hopkins, nearly 40, needs the fight far more than the forever Golden De La Hoya.

Did-You-See-That-Knockout III: 18 September — Kofi Jantuah KO1 Marco Antonio Rubio (PPV) In a junior middleweight eliminator underneath Hopkins-De La Hoya, Jantuah, 28-1, annihilates the heavily hyped Rubio, 25-2-1, with one hook at the 33-second mark.

Toney No Baloney: 23 September — James Toney W12 Rydell Booker (Fox Sports Net) Suffice to say that boxing is a lot more fun when JT is active. Unfortunately, the outrageous heavyweight injures his left biceps in the fight and returns to the shelf.

Legends Die Hard II: 25 September — Glen Johnson KO9 Roy Jones (HBO) Only one week after Oscar crashes, IBF light-heavy champ Johnson dominates Jones and finishes him, perhaps for good, with a single right hand. “He’s getting hit more now than he used to get hit,” trainer Alton Merkerson says of Jones. Yeah, and he’s getting more concussions, too.

Fight Of The Year Candidate III: 2 October — Felix Trinidad KO8 Ricardo Mayorga (PPV) What’s the effect of a 29-month layoff? Apparently, nothing at all, at least for middleweight Trinidad, who pounds the face-first Mayorga in a fast-paced thriller. Good to have Tito back.

Postscript: One month later, junior welter king Kostya Tszyu fights for the first time in 22 months and destroys Sharmba Mitchell, scoring four knockdowns in three rounds. Who needs tune-ups?

The Future Of Boxing VIII: 4 November — Mike Arnaoutis KO1 Jesse Feliciano (Showtime) There haven’t been a lot of notable Greek fighters, but “Mighty Mike,” a poised southpaw based in Atlantic City, joins the junior welter sweepstakes by blowing out the usually durable Feliciano.

Why We Hate Heavyweights V: 13 November — John Ruiz W12 Andrew Golota (PPV) The fight stinks, but the antics of Ruiz’s trainer/manager Norman Stone make the behaviour of Anna Nicole Smith seem rational. Stone is tossed from the corner after the eighth round, and HBO’s microphones pick up his delightful parting words.